Thank you!

Dad.. I had tons of things to tell you! But i don't know how to start..


First i want to thank you for giving me such a sweet memory for this 15 years although you had give me bitter memory also when i was going to turn 16 at 2008, that was the worst memory i had from you and its a nightmare i wish to wake up by then and told myself this is not true at all.


But the moment i saw you lay on the bed without moving and the doctor insert a tub into your mouth in order to let you breath i was so sad it breaks my heart, and before you were send to hospital at night i was at scolding the doctor at the noon time when we went to hospital for you radiorherapy and when i talking to you but i know you wasn't looking and me but my shirt cartoon.. Doctor say you will be fine and i believe, but it was turning worst when we reach home, you told mum that you saw chicken in the room which i don't see it and when your friend rang you up i pass you the phone and you was still talking to him when he already hung the phone i just want to know what you told him and who are you talking to after he hung up!


I went to your room but i stood outside the door i just want to piped at you see are you okay or not, great-grandaunt was there with me she say just rest and when she left i ask mum to eat something but none of us eat cause we too worry for you, i call third sis to ask her faster come back i told her you like don't know who i am already then she say call 4th uncle to asked him whether want to send you to hospital cause you seems to have no energy. And he say okay and he come over to my house asap and i keep going in to the room to ask you to go hospital as i know you wanna stay home and third sis asked you go hospital you don't want i keep telling you to go and finally you agree soon  2nd uncle and aunty was here too they ask mum to cook porriage for you to eat as you never eat your lunch, so after the porriage is okay i was feeding you and you give me a look that make me worry as you was going forward to somewhere and like someone is pulling you.. Elder sis rush back to see you also but you don't know who is she, so does second sis even her son clayton your grandson you also say he is girl we was shock and i know you already blur, ambulance came and they people ask you question to check if you are alert, and they say you having slight fever! So you was send to hospital.


When you was in hospital i keep praying you will be fine but i doesn't help at all, i keep thinking it was not ture it was not but the fact did happen and you are gone, time was 0710 in the morning and the whold night i just eat a sandwhich which is brought from 7-11 at NUH. I so hate NUH this is what happen, when we reach hospital you was at A&E then when you was the nurse use the mic to call us in and they keep repeating as the want us to go in do some paper work and you was awake wanna see us but you wanna see second sis to told her something  and the thing was ask her bring her son back as you was saying it late already, i told you the next day no school its already school holiday but you keep on saying go home its late.. And i went out call second sis go in as she was outside, then nurse stop us and she inside go people need to do some check-up we hae to wait outside so we wait and wait hoping the use the mic to call us again but they never they call you go canteen and wait as it will take a long time till she let us in to see you, but NO they NEVER use the mic to call us they went out to call and they still can say that no one was outside so they push you to ICU to insert the tube in for you to breath, WHAT THE HACK they do this without out permission and we told them you got things to tell second sis!!


Waited outside ICU was dame cold and we was so worry, we don't dare to call mum and told her this cause we hope you will be fine but end up doctor say you condition is not good we have to prepare that you will leave anytime.. So we call elder sis to told her about it we also call mum and 2nd uncle to bring mum over and elder sis arrived too we went into the ICU but no kids under 12 so we ask the doctor is it possible to let felix and clayton in as the really want to see you also and they allow so we was in there elder sis, elder bro in-law , second sis , second bro in-law , third sis and third bro in-law , mum , 4th uncle, me , clayton and felix was there too. we keep on calling you and you can't open your eye as they give you anaesthetic so you won't fell pain then the tube was in your mouth and i keep seeing tears rolling down from your eye i know you was say to see us cry and i keep on tell you not to wake up but end up you was gone.. we cry even louder you and i saw your heartbeat went to zero and when we shout at you i saw your heart beat went up but go back to zero again. you left!


Dad i know you want to say good bye and take care to us but you can't talk at all and you suddenly had alot of white hair, this wans't you cause you alway dye your hair black but out of sudden you had lots of white hair..


My heart was break as you had left us and you know what you leave on 8 march and 3 days later 11 march was my birthday i was dame sad to celebrate it and when my friend saw me in your funeral they told me that i was like having half of my soul left in my body and i totaly can't smile at all when i go back to school.. they talk to me is like talking to wall and a piece of wood i didn't reply them till they call me and tap my hand and i smile 3 second when they told me jokes..


Dad. you seen how i behave before you left and after you left, you know how much i miss you? you know i just hope that everything was just a nightmare and i wanna to wake up and you will be fine no more illiness your lung cancer is gone. But no it had already happen and the only thing i can do is remember you in heart and get a chance to talk to you in a dream..


Dad thanks for all the memory! BitterSweet memory..
xoxoxo..